J/B/P/T-A-DAY IN MAY 14: Almost over...

Hey there, 'Redheads... I hope you all had a heck of a hump day. Mine was long. I woke up an extra hour and a half earlier than I usually do, so I could take my truck in for service. Then work was way busier than usual. Oy vey, I say. But, here I am, in front of my glowing monitor...for you.

I'm super-psyched, because tomorrow I hit the road for a four night slate of shows in North Carolina. I'll be at the LOL Comedy Club in Clayton (just outside of Raleigh) with headliner, Mo Alexander. If you find yourself on tobacco road this weekend, come check out a show. Say hi. We'll hang.

It's been two weeks of this veiled attempt to throw some comedy pasta on the refrigerator door to see what sticks known as, JOKE/BIT/PREMISE/TAG-A-DAY IN MAY. Where has the time gone? No really, I'm never going to get that back. Here's today's bit of dynamite hack...

Since I've been trying to strike it rich playing the lottery, I've been using the numbers on the back of some of my favorite Chinese food fortunes in my collection. Here's one I'll share...

Our first and last love is...Self-love.

That's a masturbation fortune cookie. No need to add "in bed". I just wish that the one time that a cookie correctly predicted my immediate future, it could've been something a bit more helpful.

See you on Thursday...