The Horror...

Greetings 'Redheads... In the spirit of 'Ween, I offer you one of the most gruesome, horrifying, and soul-depleting pieces of video ever gazed upon by mortal man. Hit play at your peril, for this video has reduced the stoutest of hearts to quivering piles of mush. Remove your belt and shoelaces and hide any sharp objects, for the suicide rate of those who view this video in its entirety is close to 100%. You've been warned...

Still with me? Then enjoy this video proof that I'm a Were-Buscemi...

%1

Happy 'Ween...

To be continued...

Fallout

Hey there 'Redheads... Long time, no type. Once again, I've tried to stockpile interesting crap, so that when I clean out the lint trap in my head, I can knit you a proper toaster cozy. It's sentences like that that make ya wish I waited just a bit longer... I've got a bunch of cool things on the comedy horizon to call your attention to:

On November 24th, I'll be joining a gaggle of comedy compatriots on stage at the DC Improv Comedy Lounge. The show is going to be taped for Comcast Comedy Open Mic On Demand. The cavalcade includes Chris White, Jon Mumma, Justin Schlegel, Mike Way, Sean Gabbert, and many more...ok, six more. Wanna be in the audience to check out this comedy conglomerate? Click here for tickets and info.

On November 28th, Rob Maher and I will be doing our part to make sure we aren't irretrievably awful people, and take part in the DC Firefighters Burn Foundation Benefit for Children’s Hospital at the Clarendon Grill.

On December 15th, just in time for Hannukah, I'll be on stage at the Comedy Spot for a show that's being called Jew Man Group. Myself, Leo Goodman, Adam Ruben, and Ben Isaac take the stage for an evening of shpilkis. We could also be called The Mensches of Comedy, or The Disappointed Mother Tour, or Cheaper Than Therapy, the list goes on. Please to be clicking here for tickets and info.

Over the weekend, I got a chance to work with two of my favorite funny folk, Erin Jackson and T-Rexx, at the Baltimore Comedy Factory. Big thanks to the staff up there for a fun couple of nights. I was a little disappointed that no one showed up in costume the whole weekend. There was one guy who looked like Kenny Rogers, but that hardly counts. A great septet of shows in Charm City was capped off by a fracas...a donnybrook...a rhubarb...a BEAT DOWN. I shall now give you the play-by-play of this impromptu UFC pay-per-view...
T-Rexx was closing his set with his classic bit about getting his retarded cousin drunk. I requested he do it. It keeps getting funnier every time I hear it. The sold out crowd was laughing along with him...except for one guy, who was sitting in the second row on stage right. He wasn't enjoying it at all. To the point that T-Rexx said to him, "I don't know how much it cost to get in, but it's free to leave. Because this is going to get worse." As he finishes up his set, I start walking toward the stage to bring him off. After he gets done plugging his DVDs, the disgruntled guy says, "Why don't you get off the motherfucking stage, motherfucker." An exchange of "fuck yous" was had. Then, T-Rexx hand me his jacket and steps off stage next to where the guy was sitting, and strikes a Bruce Lee pose in front of him...complete with kung-fu yowl.

Knock knock, mo fo...

Well, being drunk and belligerent, the guy stands up. He rears back to swing and, before he can get off a punch, T-Rexx hits him twice in the chest and once in the face. The guy tackles T-Rexx into a row of chairs that were quickly evacuated by the crowd. From the stage, I see T-Rexx grab the guy's wrist and grapevine his arm with his legs. Security breaks it up and drags the guy out by his collar, leaving behind a bloody smear on T-Rexx's pant leg. Thank you Baltimore, goodnight.

Your comedy homework is to vote for Erin Jackson on Ziddio.com early and often...send her to Vegas.

To be continued...

MeTube

Hey there 'Redheads... Once again, time is flying. For me, that's pretty much literal. I recently became the owner of a flying alarm clock. Because I hit the snooze button so much, it filed a restraining order against me (hey, it fell, ok?). It's a pretty nifty little bit battery powered gadgetry. A little whirligig rests on top of the base. When the alarm goes off, it launches the whirligig into the air, and it continues to blare red alert klaxons until it is returned to the base. You'd think this would be a pretty effective way to drag me out of bed, but most of my dreams take place on the bridge of the Enterprise during the Kobayashi Maru scenario...so, it kinda blends in (do not try that reference at home...professional dork on a closed course). Speaking of dreams, I've got some great little video comedy tidbits for you. Some brand new productions from me and Chris White and a couple pieces of random goofy crap that I claim no responsibility for. Let's dim the lights and get to the retinal recreation...

GAME ON

TRICK OR TREAT

Jeez, I'm a shitty actor. Good thing no one will see this... If you'll remember, in the last installment, I hipped you to a group of aerospace engineers who built a functioning X-Wing. Well, they launched the sucker last weekend. Here's what went down...

It went down...in flames. A crushing blow to the rebellion.

If you're like me, you enjoyed the recent blockbuster, Transformers. But maybe you didn't like it enough to buy it on DVD today. Here's something to quench your thirst for something more than meets the eye...

Vector Sigma.

To be continued...

Stuff For Ye

Hey there 'Redheads... With September in the rear-view mirror, we're motoring through the happy town of Blogtober. Population: You. Try not to muck the place up too much while you're here. This is why we can't have nice things. Speaking of driving, my Jeep hit 90,000 miles today. It's a mixed bag when your car reaches a milestone like that. On the one hand, it's pretty cool watching the odometer flip to zeros. On the other hand, I've driven 90,000 miles and where the fuck am I? Makes ya think...and who wants that?
I have a bunch of random stuff for you this time out...some cool audio, some funny video, and a couple other nuggets to help pad this installment...shove some tangerines in its training bra.

Let's start with the audio. You might remember awhile back, I tried to play mama bird and regurgitate some iPod food into your chirping beaks. Well, I found some kick ass new mash-ups for you to jam in your ear holes. Eat, ya jackals...

WHOLE LOTTA SABBATH (Led Zepplin vs. Black Sabbath)
THUNDER BUSTERS (AC/DC vs. Ray Parker Jr.)
HALLOWED BE THEY ENEMY (Iron Maiden vs. Public Enemy)
METALLICA GOES TO PUNJAB (Metallica vs. Punjabi MC)

Ok, now the video. I forget where I found this, but I got a kick out of it, so I figured I'd pass it on to you guys. If you're a die hard fan of...well, Die Hard, you'll get a chuckle from this little ditty...

And now, some of the afore mentioned nuggetude... ATTENTION GEEKS!! Check this shit out...

A group of aerospace engineers in California have constructed a scale model of an X-Wing that actually flies. Here's an excerpt from their website:

It is over 21' long, with a wingspan of over 19' - "We opted to use a cluster of four motors to emulate the "real" X-wing, and positioned the motors in the wing pods. The real challenge was to make the wings move in flight, from "attack" position to "landing" position. Late additions to the project included making R2D2 turn via radio & make sounds.

If I have to tell you how cool that is, then I don't know if we can be friends anymore... The X-Wing takes flight on October 6th...and will make a flippin' sweet YouTube video when in crashes shortly thereafter...

One more thing before I go. Your comedy homework this weekend is to go see Jake Johanssen at the DC Improv. My good friends John Garrett and Chris White are opening for him. Three gawky white guys. A parade of pasty. Luckily, they're damn funny. Go. Laugh.

To be continued...