Hi At Us

Hey there 'Redheads... You still out there? It's me... I know, where the hell have I been? I've left you in the digital lurch since mid-March. I was 0-for-April. What can I say? Zyrtec is a hell of a drug. I'd like to take this time to remind all of you to help control the pollen count. Have your trees spayed or neutered. I've been pollinated into a slo-mo haze... That, coupled with a work ethic that I lovingly refer to as "slothy," elevated my already potent powers of procrastination to superhuman levels. I was putting off stuff that had already happened. Seriously, this pollen is slowly choking the life out of me. It's not so much that I'm allergic, but my lungs are filling up with this crap. But, for you, I'm sucking it up, or as best I can without my lungs seizing up, and getting back on the blog horse. With a week already wasted in May, I figured it was time to brush the dust off and get things back in gear before we reach a point of no return. So, let's get caught up, shall we?

I'd like to congratulate Horatio Sans on his appointment to the Supreme Court...

Nice to see he found work. I've never been very politically minded, but I also never look a gift fat joke in the mouth, lest it try to cram me down its gullet. Anyone else find it mildly ironic that she'll be casting judgement on the loftiest issues that face us and we're judging her because she looks like she should have a pet rancor under a trap door in the courtroom? I'm looking forward to the movie version of the Elena Kagan story, Paul Blart: Supreme Court Justice.

Speaking of insatiable hunger, I unfurled my dork flag and participated in a zombie walk back on Cinco de Mayo (I'm glad that Cinco de Mayo fell on May 5th this year). The man who created the zombie movie, George Romero, was in town to unveil his recent undead undertaking, Survival of the Dead. So, a shamble of zombies assembled at the Greene Turtle next to Verizon Center for a bloody good time...
This was my first foray into having a social afterlife, and I was way out of my league in the make up department. I just popped open a fake blood capsule and smeared it all over my face...Not exactly Tom Savini quality, but it got the job done. And, it turns out, it'll end up in the annals of zombie schlock, because the zombie walkers and I ended up as extras in an independent horror/comedy flick called My Boring Zombie Apocalypse. When portraying the walking dead, I prefer to go the method acting route. Act hungry. When we were done moaning and shuffling through Chinatown, we ended up at the Gallery Place theaters for a screening of Romero's new movie and a Q & A with the man himself...The movie was just ok for a guy who created the genre. I've taken more of a shine to the modern day hardcore sprinter zombies of Zombieland and 28 Days Later that the remake of his Dawn of the Dead begat, so maybe I found his zombies to be old fashioned. Don't get me wrong, both will use your intestines for bloody Mardi Gras beads, but today's walking dead don't make you wait as long.

That's all for now. More soon. No, seriously. I mean it this time. Wait right here...

Undead, Fundead...

Hey there 'Redheads... The usual combination of sloth and procrastination has kept me from updating the blog in a timely fashion. September slipped by with only three lousy installments, but I'm hoping for a stout and hearty Blogtober. Much like Christmas takes over all of December, this month gets swallowed by the jack o'lantern's maw of Halloween. If it's dead, undead, or screaming its last breath, this is the time to indulge all of your morbid curiosities. If you're still reading, you've probably noticed that the laughter was strangled out of this blog a couple sentences ago...

Among my favorite macabre mascots are zombies, which is why I give two severed thumbs up to Zombieland. Easily, the best zomedy since Shaun of the Dead and a great zombie movie period. It'll eat your brain and slurp the marrow from your funny bone. From the driving opening credits set to Metallica's "For Whom The Bell Tolls" to a brilliant homage to the greatest paranormal comedy ever made, this is the most fun you'll have watching the world end. After the movie, I bumped into a couple people who thought it was a documentary...

When it comes to zombies, some people are divided on a key issue: shamblers or sprinters? Zombie purists prefer their undead to shuffle toward their prey with excruciating inevitability. The 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead gave us zombies that could full on sprint. It just depends how you want your brains eaten. I kind of prefer the shamblers, only because I'd like to think I could outrun a dead guy. I need to get back to the gym. Right now, the only way I break a sweat is if I freeze some then drop it on the floor. But I digress. One last cool zombie thing before I move on. Check this out...

Right now, that's just a fan trailer for a book, but here's hoping that George Lucas is looking to shake a few more nickels out of us soon. I'd buy that for a dollar.

You know who else is hoping that book gets made into a movie? R. Kelly...

R&B singer/songwriter R. Kelly revealed that despite his musical talents, he suffers from illiteracy and barely made it through grade school. The Grammy winner recently spoke at the Midwest Music Festival in Chicago, about the trials and tribulations of starting his career.

I guess that's one less thing the "R" stands for. Now that I think about it, that probably explains why he shortened it to R. It might also explain the complex metaphor, "You remind me of my jeep." Anybody else catch the curious word choice in that blurb? He "suffers" from illiteracy. Last time I checked, there wasn't a book allergy. He can suffer from dyslexia, but outside of that I'm guessing it's a raging case of stupid. If illiteracy was contagious, it would be impossible to diagnose it from WebMD.

Before I wrap things up, the DC area lost an icon today. Ben Ali, the man behind Ben's Chili Bowl died at age 82 of congestive heart failure. I've enjoyed many a Ben's half-smoke during this past baseball season. Most times, it was best part of the Nats games. Keep your eyes peeled for a Bill Cosby sighting. I'm sure he'll be in town to pay his respects...and give a rambling eulogy. Ben, you'll live on inside us all.

That's all for now. My illiteracy is flaring up...