Fast Forward

Hey there 'Redheads... I hope everyone has adjusted to the quantum leap forward into a dystopian future where our economy has crumbled. If only we had that one hour back, you would be able to...read this earlier. Well, get your heads straight, people. The next couple of months, the calendar is going to turn into a flip book. My apologies to whoever's job it is to govern the laws of space and time. Whenever I have things to look forward to, they approach at warp speed. I'm just saying, if you have stuff to do between now and June, you should get your ducks in a row. In two weeks, I'm going back to Vegas...in time for the Final Four. And when I get back, I kick off eight straight weeks of comedy work...including a week at the DC Improv, May 14-17, featuring for Jeff Ross. And the night before that, I'm going to the Spinal Tap Unwigged & Unplugged concert at the Warner Theater. Check your watches...it might already be April. Confused? Maybe this can clear things up...

Before my 1.21 gigawatt expectations accidentally leave me stranded two months from now, waiting for anyone who gives a goddamn to catch up with me, let's focus on the present and not too distant past.

First, for the 'Redheads in Charm City... I'm back at the Baltimore Comedy Factory this weekend. Three nights, seven shows, and zero dollars for drinks. Because I'm funnier when I'm blurry around the edges, I'm offering a bailout from your senses...DRINKS ARE ON ME. Just print out this handy dandy coupon...

Baltimore has always been beddy beddy good to me, so I'm looking forward to a fun time up I-95.

Speaking of fun times in a northerly direction, I had a blast up at the Lake Ontario Playhouse to finish off February. It was a last minute gig, and I'm glad it luckily fell in my lap. Big thanks to the great staff up there and the cool folks in the town of Sacket's Harbor, NY. I drove up there with Marc Unger, who was nice enough to bring me along. The place was right out of a Stephen King rough draft...quaint, but with slightly foreboding undertones. If the walls bled, I wouldn'tve been completely shocked. The playhouse itself is a former military dance hall from the 40's that was converted into a comedy club. Very cool place...it had a Cheers vibe to it. Can't wait to go back in the summer.

We got back to town just in time for it to snow nine inches. Barely a week later, it's sunny and 70. This isn't me. My ego can only warp time. If you'd like to feed my ravenous need for constant validation, I suggest you check out my Facebook Fan Page.

I wish I could affect the play of my Terps, who managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory over the weekend. Nothing is ever easy with this team...they dangle a glimmer of hope in front of us, then clang our hearts off the front end of the rim as the buzzer sounds. Mix enough metaphors for ya? Here's hoping Gary Williams can wring every bit of talent juice from the ShamWow he uses to dry off with after every game. It's be nice to fill out an NCAA bracket with a local team in it.

Ok. It's late and I'm rambling. To be continued...