Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Double Plus UnFUCK

Well, I'm happy to report that all is not lost...not yet. The powers that be recovered my vehicle, with minor damage, in SE DC. Apparently, it was involved in a robbery, then the assailants were nabbed and the perps realized there's no reset button in the real-life version of Grand Theft Auto. I couldn't believe my Jeep was involved in a robbery... I mean, you think you know a car. It's out of my sight for a couple of hours and it turns into Patty Hearst. Alot of the machinery I own have criminal tendencies. My PC is constantly performing "illegal operations"...dealing heroin out of the hard drive.

So, I went to investigate the damage to the Jeep. The ignition: gone...well, not so much gone, but in the cup holder. There was also minimal damage to the driver's side door, where they used the hobo's skeleton key, a screwdriver. When I inventoried the contents of the vehicle, I found that, not only did they not take anything...they left a bunch of stuff. A pile of CD's, a couple packs of children's pajamas, and a Batman playset. I'm petitioning to add this as a Hanukkah Miracle, but the Torah revisionists haven't gotten back to me yet. Armed with this evidence, I've put together a profile of the ruffian who took my car. I was jacked by a narcoleptic toddler with a hero complex and a burnt out subscription to Columbia House.

I'd also like to thank my loyal readers (up to triple digits, btw) for their support. My buddy, comedy dynamo, Justin Schlegel offered to, "undergo intense 2 year training with the League of Shadows to become a weapon of righteous justice, striking down all those who stand in the way of my quest to return your car to it's rightful place...it's parking spot." Stay your sword, for now. I'll put that little fiery vengeance IOU in my hip pocket. In the meantime, you may walk the earth...solving mysteries, helping people, hoping that your next leap can be the leap home.


The next post will be the year-end wrap up. I'm a procrastinator...so sue me...later.

To be continued...

3 Comments:

Blogger Q.Ledbetter said...

damn...didn't know your car was stolen...I'm SO out of the loop! But, glad you got it back. GOOD THINGS!

9:43 AM  
Blogger Lenni said...

You are a comment whore. That's ok. It works. And now I will mourn the loss of my very own Jeepie. Jeepie! How I miss you! Especially around the holidays!

9:57 AM  
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