The Great Circle of...Stuff

Hey there 'Redheads... Welcome to August. Please join me in congratulating my good friends, Seth and Alison, on the birth of their baby girl, the end of sleep as they know it, Hannah Gwen...

Adorable... The kid's pretty cute too.

If you've never held a newborn, I highly recommend it. The aura of adorability at 4 days old is more than enough to offset the constant screaming and the unannounced liquid poo. It's that aura that is a baby's natural defense mechanism. The nastiest of predators is reduced to a dumbstruck ball of cooing goo by the overwhelming cute. The only creature that is immune to this is, of course, the dingo.
When I went to visit the new proud parents, I brought gifts for the little poop machine. It took me awhile to figure out what to write on the card. What do you write to a 4-day-old? Finally, it came to me:

Dear Hannah,

Happy Belated Birthday.

--Jared

On Tuesday, after a year-and-a-half hiatus, I made my triumphant return to the Nanny O'Briens stage. Ok...remove the -umph...and the -ant...I tried. After the subpar set I had in Fredericksburg, it was nice to bounce back in front a responsive crowd. Kudos to Jay Hastings for keeping that room top notch. I had the pleasure of sharing the stage with Jeff Maurer, Brandon Ivey, Zach Toczynski, Larry Poon, and Ryan Conner. Jay fought off a misguided shot to the nuts, that became a microphone in the teeth, to close out the show...that's a man's man...or a wasted man.

I'd like to address a story out of Hollywood that'll have over-arching ramifications in the world of dorkdom and comedy...

LOS ANGELES, California (Hollywood Reporter) -- Batman is heading into a sequel, titled "The Dark Knight," and he will face off against the Joker, this time played by Heath Ledger.

I had heard through the grapevine that comedian, Eddie Izzard was going to take on the purple pinstriped mantle of the Clown Prince of Crime. That would've been a fine bit of casting. I'll reserve judgement on Mr. Ledger until I see him on the screen. My real concern is that his casting will resurrect the dead horse that is the shitty Brokeback Mountain joke. It'll only be a matter of time before I hear some hack muse that the Joker will say to Batman, "I wish I could quit you" (watch for Carlos Mencia to do it and declare it as "edgy"). Or maybe...

Wait'll they get a load of me...ON THEIR BACK!!

For the love of all things holy...make a ROAR reference instead. The world will be better for it.

Speaking of movies, if you like a good creature flick, do yourself a favor and check out The Descent. This is from the same guy who directed the great zombie opus, 28 Days Later. He's got a good head on his shoulders when it comes to...ripping heads off of other people's shoulders. My good buddy, Chris White wrote a great review of the movie in his blog (conveniently linked to your right).
The next movie on my list is the Samuel L. Jackson "Muthafucka"-fest, Snakes on a Plane. If you wanna have some fun, please to be clicking here to check out a fantastic example of promotional genius.

Finally, it is with a heavy heart that I bid a somber farewell to...a fish. Jaws, my parents' pet fish, who's care I was entrusted with this weekend, went to the big aquarium in the sky yesterday. I did what I could, but fish CPR is a delicate art, and I was not able to spit water into his gills fast enough. So, in tribute...Jaws, this is for you...

To be continued...